Friday, May 19, 2006

To party or not to party, that is the question. I got off to a great start this morning, attempting to do whatever it took to get the blood pumping so that I could have a fulfilling and productive
"day off." Started it at 8am with a soy protein shake for breakfast (that was a little overboard), and followed that with my 9am spinning class with the oh-so-awesome Caroline (in which I died and was revived within the hour), and another hour at the gym. by 11:30, I went home, watched a little tv, showered, had lunch, and was ready to start my day at a bright and early which time I took a nap. Doing next to nothing is far more exhausting than I thought. Woke up at 2 and tried to get stuff done.
Whatever. Life sucks. The point is that now, after draining away 5 precious hours of my life in rehearsal, all that hard work to keep me energized tonight has failed me. I'm pretty sure I'm being fueled solely by my own will right now, and even that isn't terribly strong, because, of all of my options for the evening, nothing sounds quite so good as sleeping to prepare for tomorrow's 10-hr rehearsal. But I don't even want to sleep. But, I don't think I want to do this either, this posting business. Hm. I thought this was going to be a new post too, but never mind. False alarm. Sorry.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

time wasted

I think I spend a lot of my time getting way too caught up in things that don't really exist. And why, not, right? Whether we like it or not, our human nature seems to draw us toward "drama" more often than we'd like to admit; so, it's no wonder that, when given the chance, we jump at the fist opportunity to claim any sign of personal turmoil as our own. I just love that, moments after disaster ensues, we become helpless victims wondering why it is that drama always befalls us.
At present this message may seem somewhat odd, but I'm actually writing it to myself. At this very moment, I am asking for trouble, and when I finally find it, this will be the proof that I've no one to blame but myself. That I knowingly, willingly placed myself in a situation that I knew would end in conflict, whether internal or external. When I am faced with this conflict, maybe this will remind me that I am only dealing with the consequences of my own actions. Or maybe I'll cry like a baby, expeecting someone to fix things for me. Maybe...

Monday, January 30, 2006

Sometimes being a girl sucks...

And this is one of those times. Honestly, I'm not all depressed, and my life isn't going down the tubes. I'm just... a girl. And as a result, I do girly things and say girly things and think girly things, even when I don't want to, even when I know perfectly well that it is in my best interest not to. ug.

Dancing on the Edge kicks ass. I don't know how it'll be from the audience, but, though I gripe about my *ahem* "handicap," I'm having a blast and the dancers are great and the production staff is great and the crew is great.

This weekend was out of control. Though I love him, Jon has issues, Freedom Jazz Dance, and I am in way too much like.

That was all random, but I needed to get some notes down before I forgot it.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

I dunno...I kinda liked it

so the reality that is my life pretty much disproves this, but I still thought the concept was kinda nice...

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.
That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!
The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.

You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.
Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.
You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?

You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.
Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.
As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005


So, basically, I am a loser. Good to know. Hard to swallow, but good to know.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Who's Still Working?

Me!! It's me!!! I'm still working!!! Why, you ask? To be quite honest, I don't really know anymore. Not even the money really seems worth this exhaustion and I think I've stated before that driving under exhaustion is bad. Well, grades are up. And I am...disappointed. Not really surprised, but definitely disappointed. There's no one to be disappointed in but myself when I know what grades I want, know what extra effort I have to put forth to them, and simply don't do it. Thanks to those of you who are trying to make me feel better with excuses of work, rehearsals, practice, and the weight of 20 units, but, if I'm honest with myself, the fact remains that none of those things were stopping me from getting shit done when I was watching ridiculous amounts of badly written (or worse, reality) television, fiddling on the computer (damned facebook and myspace!), playing around on the guitar (to no avail), random midnight trips to Sac with Shanti (that 24-hr Starbucks is the bane of our existence), Soga's, and going to cast parties every weekend (for the shows I wasn't in). Wow. Hi my name is Derricka and I've been a worthless fuck. Sorry about that.

I watched a couple of movies last night with Mike and Ashanti. Bride and Predjudice...of course I regret that decision, but the book was good, I liked 'Bend it Beckham, and that Aishwarya is friggin' hot. I no longer want to be an actress when I grow up, so much as I just want to be her. Can I do that? I can do that, right? Then this documentary film, 'Rize.' HOLY MOLY CATS. So now, I'm going to dedicate countless hours this week to discovering my inner blackness and African roots and bust out with the moves this body is supposedly built to make. Those dancers were absolutely amazing. There were even little 2 yr old kids moving faster than I ever could and bustin' out moves I've never seen in my life. Clowning and Krump dancing: my two new purposes in life, and likely the keys to finally getting rid of all of this excess Derricka.

Speaking of excess Derricka, I need to work on that if I'm going to find into a dress in time for the uni-ball...I also need to find a dress for the uni-ball. Though I don't even know if I should go, 'cause I don't really feel like I have any uni-friends. And I totally don't have a uni-date. Though I now think I might have found the perfect one... we'll see... being a girl sucks.

I'm at the pad right now..."working," and I've been talking to one of my supervisors, but I didn't realize until right now that she totally doesn't know who I am. I had my headphones in while I was talking her her, and, though the volume was low, it was just high enough for me to miss her refer to me and address me as Amber, another driver. Amber's a swell girl, but I'm not her. But I'm also not the least bit confrontational, so I just pipe up everytime she says "Hey, Amber..." Like just now. Another guy just heard and he was like, "did she just call you Amber?" And I said yes. And then I returned to typing.

Aqualung rocks my socks.

Overwhelming dose of the melancholy. Out.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

So I was a zombie today...

Hello. I am a zombie.

Emo zombie.

SO OVER the zombie

Is zombie gonna have to choke a bitch?

"Scary" zombie. rawr

This one was so scary, I made myself pee my pants...

No, it's not as lame as it seems (though it very well could be). We were helping out a friend who was making his first "reel" film. 1 hour of make-up, 6 hours of waiting, 2 hours of rocking out in the car, and 45 minutes of camera work all for 3 seconds of on-screen time. LOVE IT.